I am wanting to join the military and my boyfriend of 3 years told me that he would leave me if i went i need to know what i should do i need people from males to females tell me what you think i should do PLEASEI Need some Personal Advice?
Here's what you do. Go to the mirror. See that girl looking back at you? Parent's, spouses, boyfriends, kids, friends, acquaintances, kibitzers like those of us on YA... we come and go in your life. That girl in the mirror isn't going anywhere. She'll change. She'll get older. She may grow some wrinkles. Her hair may turn gray... or white. But she's going to be there for the duration. She's the one you have to live your life for. She's the only one you really have to try to keep happy.
Suppose you opt not to join because of your boyfriend. Suppose a few years down the road he's out of your life. Now you're miserable, and the reason you're miserable isn't a factor any longer... and there's no longer anything you can do about it.
I can't tell you to join or not to join. Nobody can... and nobody should. If we did, we'd be just like your boyfriend -- trying to run your life. And the results could be just the same. Although I think our intents may differ.
I think his intent is that he doesn't want to lose you. I think he's afraid that if you go into the military you might meet some people who will be more to your liking than he is. Now, there's a thought.
Until you're about 30, three years seems like a LONG time. When you turn 60, three years is yesterday. When you turn 90, three years is just an instant, and you can't remember that far back anyway. ;-)
Caveat: You can't always make the right decision... no matter how carefully you try. And almost every time you make a decision... especially an important one... after you make it you're going to have second thoughts. The deal is, you can't let that stop you from making your own decisions. I girl I dated in college said, ';You win a few, you lose a few, and a few get rained out... but you have to suit up for all of 'em.'; General George Patton said it thus: “The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That's the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead!” Just replace the word ';battle'; with ';life'; and you have it.
Every once in a while, take a look in that mirror. If the girl looking back at you is smiling... most of the time... you're doing ok.I Need some Personal Advice?
I had a fiance' do this to me, at first he was fine with me being on the military and I signed up for the reserves, so this meant after basic an AIT, I would come hoem to UT and my reserve unit, so one day he change shis mind and says he agree with my father that women did nto belong in the military. Thsi was a guy with one fake eye, and he was balding to, I was like WTFreak is your problem, well there are lots of guys in the military and outside of the military you can find if this guy drops you, they have to except you for who you are, the thing is you don;t find alot of men marrie dot military women, its usually teh other way aroundk, and it may kidn of make him feel less that you wear the military pants in the family and you go to war not him. So there you have it, Join or be the women he wants you to be. which is it?
Leave Him, that is just wrong no matter what, if he really is a boyfriend he should be supporting you and telling you to explore the world. that is messed up.
if someone said that to me i would leave them there and then. because that is just plain dumb. my advice, go out and explore the world:) there is better guys out there and he is a coward for not going to the military.
your way to smart and mature to be going out with some guy like that. what he said was immature. don't even bother listening to his ';Pittiness';. well, it is your choice. you decide what to do, just remember my words.
This is something you will have to give some serious thought to. The military is a great place to get ahead in life, with college money and a chance to learn a good trade. Also, it allows for a savings and to see the world. You have to think about what is important to you. And what are his reasons for not wanting you to join? What are your reasons to join? Compromise if he means a lot to you, which I assume he does because you have been together for 3 years. If not, that is the wrong way to have a one night stand.
There are a lot of pluses to joining the military, but sadly, family life takes a hard hit. I lost my fiance when I went to Iraq, so that sucked. But, you will get the chance to meet new people, form the closest friendships you will ever have, and experience more things in a couple of years most people will not in their lifetime.
There are ways to do it together. If you join together, you can stay together (for the most part). Both of you get married and join the military, life will be pretty good. Military couples understand eachother and experience more together than a lot of couples do. Just a thought, maybe its worth talking about.
To these people who say get rid of him... might want to hold off on that. Love is about compromise. He may not want you risking the chance of going to war, or something like that. It would be best to find out where you are in the relationship, and decide if you are willing to sacrifice what you want to do for the person you love. If you make a decision based solely on your wants and beliefs, you have taken the other person out of the equation already. A good relationship is about compromise, not one person demanding what they want.
from my perspective my fiance joined the marines last year.
I was hesitant about it but i would NEVER EVER tell him ';No! Do not join the marines or else i am going to leave you!';
That is such a selfish act on my part for me telling him to give up a dream that he has always had. And if i were to do that and refused of him going then i would deserve to be dumped because that would be so selfish for me to stop him from being in the marines.
Honostly, i think you should dump his as*, tell him that he either supports you on your career and stand by your side, and if not then tell him he is gone because you wouldnt tell him to not have a certain career just because it means being apart for a long time and risking you life, depending on what the job is. I would really think about it, is joining the military what you really want to do? if it is something that you are highly considering and the only thing that is stopping you from joining is your boyfriend, then its not worth having him around. If he honostly feels strongly about you not joining because you are doing something with your life and you are doing something for the country then he is not worth it and obviously doesnt have the support you will be needing. I say if the military is what you want to do then dont let anyone get in the way of something that you will want to do because you will highly regret it later on, especially if in a year or so he dumps you (hypothetically speaking) and you look back being like, was it really worth it? should i have joined and done something with my life? if you feel like later you will regret it, then join! dont let a boyfriend stop you from your career, because obviously he isnt the support you will need while getting through the years in the military.
1. This is a major life decision that will affect your boyfriend. Is he freaking out because its a big deal or has he always been the control freak the other posters think he is? Sometimes I say things in the heat of the moment that later make me laugh.
2. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Will joining the military help you get there? If so, then you may need to ';sell'; your boyfriend on the idea.
3. My mother had to ';sell'; my late father on the last house they bought, it was a good deal, they needed a house but she had to persuade my dad why it was a good idea. I say that to say this: it was a major decision that affected both of them. My mom had to show my dad why it was a good deal. If you do it right, he'll think it was his idea!
This is your life! If you feel the military is what you want to do then do it. If he really loved you and was going to be a good partner for the rest of your life he would support your decision.
He is trying to control the direction of your life with treats. Decide that the military is for you, then sit him down and explain why you made your choice. He has two options, support your decision and stay with you, or there's the door don't let it hit you where the good lord split ya!
Any career choice should be yours, because you are the one who has to deal with the job, I don't want anyone telling me what I can and cant do for a living!
The one thing the military can do for you is to provide you a step towards a successful life regardless of your back ground. The military can do A LOT of things for you: let you experience the world, offer you job skills, help you grow up, and the most important thing - PAY FOR COLLEGE or TRADE SCHOOL. The new GI BILL is coming out this August and it is awesome. 1,300 a month for tuition, 1,300 a month for room and board and a 1,000 a year for books. Thats plenty of money to pay for tuition, books and room and board at most state universities. At this time in your life you must take care of yourself first before thinking about taking care of the needs of someone else. If you come from money and already have your ticket for success or have other means to accomplish it, than dont join.
There are too many people just sitting around making excuses of why they are not successful and 95% of them could have easily joined the military and got college or trade school paid for.
I agree with another poster above. How else is he trying to control your life? If he has control issues now.... He'll be hell to live with after you are married... if that happens.
As for him not wanting to be a part of military life and go along with you. There isnt anything wrong with that either. Being a military spouse can be VERY hard. Its not meant for everyone. The divorce rate in the military is 70%.
With that said, take care of your self first in regards to education, life skills and maturity before even thinking about marriage, commitment or family. There are too many adults who make those things a priority first and before they know it their married have two kids and are poor looking for a hand out. Dont become one of them.
Counselor
ha, this reminds me when I first started out... I had just graduated from West Point and earned my commission as a 2nd Lt. in the Army at the time. I told my girlfriend my ambitions of becoming an 18A-Special Forces commander and she told me the same thing your boyfriend is telling you now. I was with her for over 7 years at that point so I was pretty crushed and felt like I had reached a fork in the road and needed to make a decision...I knew who I was, who I wanted to be, and WHAT I wanted to be. 3 years later, I sent in my packed for SFAS and shipped out for selection. We got married when after my graduation from the Q course. We were happily married for another 3 years until she finally left me because it was too tough on her.
Bottom line, he is telling you this because he loves you very much and cares deeply about you and is scared to loose you. This is something you will have to confront with him. No idiot will leave you for doing something noble unless he's a complete liberal F***. My wife and I had no problems at all besides me be going on. Your MOS is obviously going to be way less demanding so that shouldn't be a problem. I'm sure he will turn out to be your best supporter.
any questions, feel free to email me
Good luck
If the military is what you want then hey: There a billion fishes in the sea.. If you think that your boyfriend is more important then just stay with him.. I think that you all should just sit down and talk about the situation. Tell him how you feel because you all can get married while you're the military. I hope Ive helped.
I am from a military family, my dad was in for 23 years and my husband was in for 17. If this is the life that you want to try, then do it. If your boyfriend really cares for you he will understand and would support you. YOU are the only one who has to live your life, don't live your life to make someone else happy
Oh come on. No guy is worth allowing so much control over your life. You are in charge of your life...not him. The army could be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.
My advice...join if you really want to. If he leaves you, then be thankful you didn't saddle yourself with this control-freak of a loser.
Join the MARINE Corps. if your going to let others dictate YOUR life, why try at anything? You need to decide whats best for you, don't ever let anyone tell you what you should do, or whats best for you. do what YOU wanna do, its YOUR life. There are other guys in the world, no matter how pretty he is or, no matter how much you like him, you will always find someone else that is a good match for you.
What other areas of your life does he want to control? If you are a couple you have to make choice together - if he has valid reasons why you shouldn't join that affect both of you and thus your relationship perhaps you shouldn't join. If there is no other reason than he doesn't want you to then break up now,
You should do what you want to do, not what others tell you to do. You must ask yourself if he is worth throwing away your dreams for, and will you spend the rest of your life regretting it. Personal opinion.....Someone that cannot support your dreams was not meant to be your mate in life. There are plenty of other men out there that will support your career goals.
I think that if this boyfriend of 3 years is not willing to support your decision he is not the one for you. Giving you an ultimatum like that is strike 2. Three years together and your not engaged ? Strike 3, dump this selfish control freak.
If he is that big of a jerk, good riddance. My hubby was in for 20 years and our son is still in his first year in. The military, (Navy in our family) is a great way to go. Join up and meet someone worthy of you.
You really want to determine the course of the rest of your life for someone who doesn't love you enough to support you in your decisions? Join up - if he leaves you, he leaves you and good riddance.
Dump him and go in the military.
It is your decision to make and if that is his first response, then he is trying to control you and is basically saying you are not worthy of at least discussing it.
Boyfriends come and go. Do what's best for you. If he can't accept that then move on. Sounds tough, but it's the truth and you won't be the first person. It's your life, live it.
When a man speaks of leaving his woman then she should ask him to leave now and not ever come back.
i think he is a selfish in ur decision... go for it if u really want it then dont let him pull u down there r alot of other guys out there.
if its wot you want to do get rid of him
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