Need some personal advice?

So I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. I couldn't be happier about it. But things with the dad aren't so wonderful. We've been together for 8 months and it seems like 2 yrs. We fight all the time, I have no sexual disire toward him (may just be because im pregnant). And to top it off we've been having this on going arguement on where we're going to live.


We're currently staying at his parents house. He's never lived on his own (I have,several times) and we've never lived together outside of his parents home. He wants to buy a house, which i think is a DUMB decision for someone to do when they don't know what it's like to live on their own. Plus the commitment of the loan,and the costs of the baby for the 1st year are going to be alot. But he somehow thinks we can do it.





My idea is to rent for 6months to 1 yr and get used to being a family,and have the major costs of the 1st yr behind us. Then eventually think about buying. But we're at a stand still. HELP!!!!!!!Need some personal advice?
I think if your not happy with him and you guys fight all the time, then you shouldnt be together... the fighting will just get worse over time.... If i were you, I would try moving out on your own and see if the space between you guys helps.. If you guys end up splitting up then just get him with child support.. I dont think he understands how much bills for a house/water/heat and a baby is gonna be...Need some personal advice?
i think your sugesten is very good you guys should rent first
Why don't you explain to him your worries and maybe write up a budget. I definately think that with a baby hospital bills and a mortgage will be reall tough. But hey that's my opinion. It also might be a good idea because if your fighting a lot and find him sexually unappealing that might lead to a break up and why have to go to the hastle of fighting over the house and child support. Get used to being parents before you make that big jump.


- good luck
I think you are right about the living situation. I personally moved out of with the father of my child about a month ago. I am only 16 weeks and at first just thought we needed some space and then could move back in after a little time. He was not being very understanding or caring of what my mind, body, and emotions were going through. Once we talked and I said I was moving out for awhile, he freaked out and yelled at me and treated me like dirt. He acted like a child and did several things to completely disrespect me. At this point, I live alone and love it and don't plan on ever going back.


Not recommending doing what I did and hopefully he wont turn out to be such a jerk. He does sound like he is very immature though, to be a father. Never lived outside of his parents house? Put your foot down and do not buy a house with him! I would recommend signing a short lease and renting for awhile and see how it works, if it doesn't you aren't alone. : )





good luck
u are right!
I think your idea is good.


I'd talk it over w/ the husband first.


If he doesn't like it then you should move out and leave him w/ his parents.


If you guys fight all the time it could get worse after the child is born because of the crying and being up a lot!





Hope you find an answer to your problem!
Renting vs Buying is a hard choice especially depending on what state you live in, If you both can agree on buying something small just to start out, that way you won't throwing rent money away and you can make back what you put into it, renting is just paying someone elses mortage, as long as he has a stable job i wouldnt worry to much about buying as long as you guys consider what you can afford, good luck and I wish you well
I agree with you -- buying a house is a huge commitment! (not as big as having a child but still...) Since the two of you are on rocky ground, I suggest renting for, like you said, 6 mo to a year, just to see if he can even handle living on his own, and if you two can stand to live together as a family! The last thing you want to do is bring a child into this world in a stressful situation. Renting would be your best bet for many many reasons...it sounds as if you've got the right idea!





Good Luck Hun!
rent. %26amp;%26amp; **** the father
well if you can afford it buying a house maybe even a smaller cheaper house would be the better idea. Just bc you will get somthing back when you sell the house. When you move out of the appartment you will leave with nothing. so if you can find one that you can afford that would be the smarter idea in the long run. As long as you dont get a big house or a run down house i dont think that there will be that much difference between renting or buying one for that first yr, as long as you arent constantly reparing stuff exc. You will still have to pay for the child in a yr or so and having some money already into the house could be nice later on, instead of haing to think about buying a house and having spent the last yr paying rent, instead of investing the money.
I think the budget idea is the best idea ... get it down on paper and see what you guys can really afford.





Buying is a little more than renting, but when you buy you're actually investing in something, you're lining someone elses pockets when you rent.
I agree with you 100%.
Well, you make a very valid point. Another thing to think of is that 8 months isn't that long, and you don't know if things are going to survive having a new baby. I know it sounds awful, but the truth is that no couple ever knows if their relationship can survive to family status, but the longer you have as a couple before hand the better your chances are.


On the other hand, now is the time to buy. I know you hear things that sound scary, but the people who its scary for are the people who currently own and are unable to sell. People are desperate to sell and you could find yourself in a home for the same cost as renting. It makes sense to buy low and sell high. People who bought during the boom a few years ago are the suckers who paid more than the house was worth just because the housing market was booming and now they cant afford it. Now you can possibly buy a house for less than what its worth, and when the market goes back up you will have made a hell of a profit.


My advice? Talk to a financial planner. A professional's opinion could be the thing that gets the two of you to come to an agreement. See how much of a home loan you can expect to qualify for and how much house that will get you in your area. You may find that the two of you cant qualify for much, and then buying a house will be off the table and you wont need to argue about it anymore. Or you may find buying will cost you the same as renting, so you might as well invest your money in your own equity, instead of your land lord's. If things don't work out between you and your boyfriend, you can sell the house later and split the profits, or one or the other of you can buy the other out and stay in the house.
You should make a budget on paper. Diapers cost around 100-150 a month and formula 160. Add groceries, transit money (bus or car insurance and gas) Since you have lived on your own, you should be able to devise an accurate budget. You guys should look at it together and see what you can afford.


Good luck!
starting a family is a lot harder than new parents anticipate ( I know from experience). Especially if you have only been together for such a short amount of time. My suggestion is to take one battle at a time. If his parents are comfortable with you both staying there with the baby and they are able to help once the baby comes I say stay where the help is. If you are both comfortable with the new family dynamic once things settle down and you get a routine going, that would be the best time to think about starting out on your own. Take things slow and don't jump into anything!





take all the help you can get!!
Okay, what you should do just to get him off your back is get a mortgage calculator out you can find them on the internet....just to be on the safe side put in 7.5% interest because rates are going up and find out how much tax percentages are in your area per year take that times the cost of the house he wants to get and that's your annual taxes, add it all together. Trust me it will be more than what he wants to pay, on a $115,000 loan at 1.36% tax it's $1191.57 a month! That is a ridiculous amount to pay, plus he has no rental history which doesn't help the interest rate because he is higher risk, the lenders like to see 2 years rental history. And I'm highly doubting he's prepared to put 20% down which you guys will have to do being first time home buyers. I've worked in the real estate field for a long time and when you show numbers reality starts to hit pretty hard. The other thing you can do it go to a lender and see if you prequalify this doesn't hold you to anything at all, just see how much you can qualify for and the terms of the loan etc. Every place is going to be very similar, you will end up getting your way which is the best way.
Your Idea it also depends are you married?