Personal Advice ------------?

I've been around horses my whole life. Because of this, I'm reserved and shy. I find it hard to talk to my students about anything but horses, but I am an excellent instructor. Any tips on being more outgoing? I'm going to start, but I need a starting place.Personal Advice ------------?
What type of 'students' are you referring to? What is your age?





You are not reserved and shy BECAUSE you've been around horses all your life - that's a personality trait or a behavioral trait of yours. You've likely immersed yourself in horses BECAUSE you are reserved and shy.





First, you must determine why it is you are reserved and shy - is it because you lack confidence or because you fear judgement from others?





I would put myself somewhat in the same category as yourself - if I am required to interact with a group of people whom I have no prior knowledge, it is very difficult for me to get started networking - I'm actually fearful of approaching people I don't know, especially in large groups, and starting conversations. Let me walk into a large group of people I don't know at a horse event and that's a whole different story. Ya know those shirts that say ';If you think I'm a quiet person, it's because we're not talking about horses?'; That would be me. They really are a central part of my life, I've had them my whole life and I am quite comfortable talking with others about them.





My personality style is somewhat introverted, I'm a detailed person and a perfectionist. I refrain from taking risks, I have a high dominance factor in my personality and I'm somewhat judgemental - I am more comfortable knowing every possible outcome then making a choice I know will be right. I've had to actively overcome these things and they are daily struggles for me.





Here's some things that have helped:


1. Define your ideal self - what you want people to view you as in terms of the whole package - what morals would you like them to percieve, what attitude, even down to physical looks if that is important to you. Then define your real self - what you currently visualize as a 'picture' of you including physical attributes, morals, anything about you that portrays the type of person you are. Then work to bring these two 'people' or images of people together - build your real self into your image of the ideal self.





2. Identify your weaknesses - what do you fear about being more extroverted with people? Work on building these into strengths.





If possible, courses like Dale Carnegie and books relating to success and perhaps business success may help - how to win friends and influence people is a straight forward book geared to help you understand others.





People will not understand and accept you fully until you understand and accept them. You will not become comfortable in the situations you need to grow in simply by virtue of what and who you are. Every person you encounter will judge you - it's human nature - but what value does that judgement hold for you?





I have learned thru management of people and departments in the businesses I've worked in a few valuable things:


1. The most important thing to any person is their own state of being - themselves. If you approach a person, ask a question geared towards getting them talking about themselves to break the ice, they will readily begin dialogue with you, but you must be genuine. You can't ask questions you don't really wish to know. I've learned that I'm a very curious person - I love to learn. So I have trained myself to see something about another person - they are wearing an interesting shirt or coat or there's something interesting about them you wish to know something about. Then be genuine in being curious about what they have to say.





2. SOme people have a problem with actually being genuine - they are more focused on their self-importance than anything else. This is driven from personality traits they can't change and behaviors they've learned. Make a game of trying to determine a person's personality by listening carefully to the responses they give you and how they respond. I have a friend who is totally involved in herself. Her looks are important to her and she needs to feel as if she's loved by everyone. We do not have conversations - if I start a conversation, she will take it over turning anything I say into a personal experience of her own or her own opinions. That's OK - I can't change her, I carefully interact with her and I never expect that she will take interest in what interests me-we won't ever talk about what's important to me.





3. You can never lose by interacting with another person. If you enter into a relationship and for some reason it goes south, you have never lost. You've gained experience and knowledge from interacting with that other person. No feeling or thought you ever give away are gone forever, they simply a multipled. If you express a thought or opinion to someone else, it's their choice whether they add value to it or kill it off before taking value from it - doesn't mean you must change your opinions, you've just learned something about that person and that experience.





So I would suggest that you focus less on what value you bring to any interaction with another person and fPersonal Advice ------------?
If you are an excellent instructor, you're also a people person and empathetic too. These are excellent social skills and not everyone has them. That is a brilliant start! (Read on)





Have a think about what your other interests are, or might be if you had the time. Gain some knowledge in these other fields, so that you are able to chat about them should the topic(s) ever come up with any of your students or people you meet at shows.





Keep up to dates with current events so that you know what is going on in the world around you. Figure out what your opinions are on those which evoke a strong feeling in you so that again you can contribute to a conversation, or at least show that you are aware.





Pay attention to your personal grooming, whether you're male or female. A decent haircut for either sex (even if you are female with long hair) is important. Think about how you dress when you are not around horses. Even though times are hard economically, it is wonderful what you can do with clothing items from charity shops. A boost to your wardrobe will always make you feel good.





If you're female, use some simple make up if you don't already. Mascara, a little blusher and lipstick make a huge difference! Don't use black mascara if you are fair haired by the way - find dark brown or brown instead; it's more flattering. Wear some simple earrings - or fancy ones if you like!





Male or female - don't forget a little after shave or perfume.





If you think yoga or pilates might be something for you, join a local group. These are super disciplines for riders. See what other groups there are in your neighbourhood that you could join.





There are of course online dating agencies and social columns in the newspapers. I have several friends who have made new lives this way.





Good luck, and have fun!
I am in a similar position. I relate better to animals.





I would definitely get used to chatting with people on a horse message board or forum. There you can get used to talking about horses and some off-topic discussion.





You may also considering being a big brother, big sister to a young person who loves horses. Mentor connection is a great way to meet adults who have good hearts, and you can practice with the most receiving and least judgemental of all: children.
After the lesson, ask your students ';so, what are your plans for the weekend?'; They're bound to come up with something, and the best way to be good at small talk is to get the other person to start talking about themselves. They'll come away thinking it was a good conversation, and you can use what they say to interject your own experiences.
I have that trouble at school too. Living in the city(I board my horse) and going to school in it is tough. I go through the same stuff as you. But I recently found one girl who also likes horses in another grade and we are sort of friends now, nothing close but at least someone to talk about with horses. I also got my best friends who live a bit farther away but we text everyday and talk about our horses. So just even just finding people that like horses is good enough. Try to befriend even people that don't like horses. Everything doesn't need to be about them. Try to find people with common interests. Do you like to play soccer? Hang with girls who do that. Just an example. I'm sure you'll find someone with some same interests though.
Ask people about themselves. Listen and use prompting words such as ';Ah, ha';, ';And then?';, ';I see';.





When they tell you about something that happened to them say things like ';Hm, I can see that would (hurt you),'; or ';I would feel the same if .... had happened to me';. These are called empathy words, and show that you are listening and caring.





Don't just barge in and say something that sounds as though the other person's experience is not worth anything by saying that you did something better, had something worse happen to them.





Then just carry on the conversation as it pans out. The best thing to do is to not dominate the conversation. Speak, but then stop and listen for an answer.





And try not bring everything back to horses (I know you love them, and so to I, but not everyone does! They might get bored.) And try not to be a ';know it all';. Those kind of people are sooo boring.





I have a feeling that you have rather a low self esteem, but you can work on it. Try to ask friends what they like about you. Get them to write it down, and then add to it. Say ';I am kind';, ';I am helpful to others,'; etc. Don't worry, you do not have to show this list to anyone, but just put it somewhere where no-one can find it and have a look at it from time to time. Add to it when someone has told you something nice about you, and start to believe them.





It is not easy, I have had to work at it, and when I look back to myself say, four years ago I can see I have come along way, though I still hear myself saying the wrong things sometimes!
So its the horses that made you shy? First off...Stop blaming never doing much else but horses for your short comings...





Its no one or no thing's fault but your own...





Take up a new hobby...if nothing else just for a bit...





Join a walking club...or go to a crafting session put on at a local craft store... There are tons of activities you can participate in that do no involove horses since they caused you to be shy...
Tell you the truth I am a lot like you! I can talk with someone for hours about horses but apart from that I sometimes draw blank! When I have to have a conversation with someone that I do not know what to talk about I just think to myself ok ask them questions about themselves. Always make eye contact smile, nod, certain cases a light touch on the elbow. Always say their name at the end of a sentence because it gives more impact. You just have to remember that these people want to know me. :-)


Don't worry you'll get better in time





http://www.shakeyourshyness.com/
Try to find someone you know has the same interests as you. Then get them started on a horsy topic. (Did you see the such and such show last night) Once you get them started on that, you'll be able to talk about anything!!