I need some personal advice from a nuetral party.?

im sorry, but me and my fiancee can't stop fighting over little stupid things, i love him so much and im possitive i want to spend the rest of my life with him but we just can't stop arguing...i am at a breaking point if our fights get much worse i will be forced to end it... i have had to many relationships that revolved around arguments and fights.....im fed up with it but i don't want to end this one.....is there any way i can change it or should i just let it go and move on?I need some personal advice from a nuetral party.?
I think you are answering your own question. Go with what your conscience is telling you. Let it go, and move on. As the saying goes, ';there are many more fish in the sea.';I need some personal advice from a nuetral party.?
In one breath you said you want to spend your life with him but you can't because you argue over every little thing! You already know your answer!! Unless you can find a way to suddenly stop arguing one or the other of you will end it soon!! There is someone out there for everyone!! If you ar tied to this argumentative person you may miss the one you are truely ment to be with!
It sounds like both of you need to make an effort to communicate in a more effective manner. Sit him down and explain to him how the fighting is affecting you and you understand you are just as much to blame as he is. Then ask him to work on it and you will do the same.





If you can hold up to your end and refuse to argue about those little things then progress has been made. However, if he can't mend his ways as well then you need to part ways.


Remember what techniques you used to stay cool during disagreements and apply your newly learned skills on the next relationship and hopefully it will go more smoothly.





Good Luck!
there is no such thing as fighting over small things.





women fight over small things as a gateway to get out bigger unresolved issues out in the open,


and as such women tend to be poor communicators.


they communicate with their feelings,


when feelings have no business in a discussion.





men are frank and straight forward


but know that being open and honest can be a brutal trap in that women will berate and rip on a man for telling the truth ( which women do not like to hear ), and as such the man will not engage in open conversations, but rather selectively tune you out when you speak. In a sense, you have conditioned him into believing you lack the maturity for normal communication.





Eventually it manifests itself in getting into fights over small stuff, as you seek any avenue to communicate with him.





Your past indicates your future.





I can guarantee you , YOU cause all the fights,


as nothing small in life is worth the effort to even fight about.





Until you learn how to communicate


and resolve what ever issues you have,


you will drive him away


and many will not blame him for leaving
Try pre-marital counseling. It can help teach you guys how to resolve issues and which battles are worth fighting and which ones you should just leave alone.
Look,l am just wondering,but are you to much of a perfectionist.You m,mention that you have had many relationships where there are a lot of arguments.Are you the cause of them.l am not saying that you are,but we all have to give and take at times.There will always be arguments in any relationship,but sometimes,a partner just will not give in.
If you end this, you will fail in the next relationship too, and the one following, and the one after that. And guess what??? It ain't all your fault.





We as your public school teachers never taught you or him how to communicate your needs and wishes without resentment and rage, and that is what you and he are doing... rage. And added to this is the fact that you have stated here that you have had other relationships that ';revolved around arguments and fights.'; Sweets, we taught you nothing. And you will continue to fail in any relationship if you do not learn how to get your issues out on the table without trouncing on a man's ego... sorry, but that's just the truth. You need help, hon.





If you are fighting, sweets, it is like a couple of three year olds, screaming at each other. We as well never taught you how to shop for a spouse nor him either, we never told you that a child is divisive in a marriage not bonding...(that screaming little ungrateful bastard will destroy any cozy relationship... just read all these questions on here about how ';our marriage is in the toilet since I got preggers -- or since the baby came.....) And we as well never told you that each child will cost you (or the state) $250,000 to age 18 and that is with no frills.... just a full belly, tv, a computer, and in hs, a cell phone, texting rap music and dope... but I'm ahead of my self...





Your problem is the language of negotion....... and you don't know it. Just by what you have said here...'; I'm fed up..'; Those are inflammatory words, hon, (bet you've popped that stuff at him lots, right???) and they will get you nothing but resentment, and you can never take them back. Arguing is erosive--as hopefully you are beginning to find out. As well, you have said that you have ended lots of relationships because of arguing... sweets: most of that (55%) has gotta be you.





Guys generally don't spit back unless your language is really emasculating. So, hon, get some counseling...





There is a whole lot of difference between, ';Just what the ***** is going on? I have worked all day too, and you got home and hour before I did, and the place looks like a mess. Hey, didn't we have an agreement that.....'; and ';George, let's sit down sometime soon and divide up all these horrid house chores. I hate them too. We ought to be able to....';





This is about as good as I can come up with on the spur of the moment , but maybe you see the idea... the first is insulting, inflammatory and all his fault. In the second, you are admitting there is a problem, and you are claiming ownership of it as well as part of its solution.





Hon, you have lots to learn to be a successful spouse, wife, and maybe a parent. You have no language nor negotiating skills now. Anyone with any counseling experience can see that from this posting....it is blindingly clear!!!! And as I confessed, it isn't all your fault. We as your teachers have failed giving you some life lessons. But it IS YOUR fault if you now do not learn what we left out.
Move on it will not get better. it is not normal to argue. I'll say it again; it is not normal to argue. Since so many people do it, it has become the norm. If you are arguing and calling each other names, this clearly is a sign that you don't have respect for each other. I will not allow any person to disrespect me and I will not allow a women I'm with to disrespect me. If I have too yell and scream at you I don't need you in my life.
You two need to work on arguing effectively- communication skills - maybe some counseling. Also, if it's something stupid - just refuse to argue about it and tell him you r not arguing over something stupid. Make sure all the issues are resolved before marriage if you decide to still marry. Did all this start after you got engaged? Is he the one picking the fights - if so, is he scared, cold feet? Or maybe he's testing you to see if you will stick through thick n thin n not be quick to divorce - I have heard of men doing that. There may be some under lying resentment in the relationship for either you or he or both that is coming out in this way as well - does he have anything bothering him? Do you? Good luck n I hope you work tings out! Talk to him.
What I would say is let's stop fighting be adults and show mutual respect to one another, then talk about the fights what they are about let one person talk and the other person say noting no mater how mad they get and then when done then the other person has the floor with the same respect. Talk nice to each other and if you cant work it out it is ok to say ';we have to agree it's ok to disagree';
I had this problem with my girlfriend of 3 years. We started getting bored of all the commitment and bickered over the stupidest things. What you should do is just go back and do something that you two fell in love because of in the first place. Just a relaxing day that you both will enjoy with no pressure. One of those days where it's '; you pick, no you pick'; . Don't be afraid to talk to him about this either. Maybe the same thing is bothering him. Remember to need to give a little to get a little. Remind him this to and maybe you two can start over and try to compromise a little more before your wedding. Don't end it with the man you love though. Trust me. You'll be as hurt as he will be. Good luck God bless


-Sean
i think you should try talking to him about the problems and mabye they are things that the two of you working together can resolve.. im sure he wants you two to be married as bad as you do so try your best to work it out WITH HIM!
HAVE SEX!!
Relationships should be about mutual fulfillment. You're not getting that if you are fighting all the time. Instead of settling for a person who you have to change find someone who you connect with emotionally and intellectually.
You really have no control over his actions or opinions, so if you want to stay together and not argue then you will be biting your tongue a lot.
I think you need to work on communication. It's all about the way you say things, which is why you two are fighting over stupid things. Having a fight over something like cheating is fight-worthy, but stupid things aren't. It's just all about how you say it.





Example:


If he was suppose to take out the trash, lets say, and he forgot to.





';Hey, babe, you forgot the trash, do you mind taking it out now?';





';YOU forgot the trash AGAIN. Why can't you just take it out?';





Do you see what I mean? Bad example, maybe, but it gets the point across. Both of those statements are focusing on the same thing, but it's the way you say it that will cause a fight or not. Chances are, if you say it the first way, you won't fight. But if you say it the second way, he could retaliate.





Just try to catch yourself saying things with a rude demenor. Hope this helps!
Maybe it's you has issues to fix, sometimes you need to examine yourself, you may probably a control freak. Some reality bites but you need to be humble sometimes swallow your pride. I apologize if I am too blunt, but if it helps you then you would appreciate me.
ok well I'm sure you can get past this but he needs to be sat down and told how you feel and what you plan to do if all else fails... this is your life after all. tell him how you feel during the argument and tell him that you don't want to live a life filled with unhappiness and arguments. you need to tell him that you don't want to leave him because you feel he is the one but if he continues then you will be forced to move on without him... can he even imagine what it would be like to be backed in to a corner even though you dont want to go there... it takes a strong person to end a relationship they really dont want to.
Unfortunately, you will never change human nature. The arguing will never go away. If you really want to be happy, dump the relationship and move on. Tough to do, but it's the only thing that will work. Sorry.
sheesh hi there,, lol your problems are real and they are to noticeable for sure and it is bugging you, so being my lifes much sadder and worse,, then yours the simple answer is,,,, let go of him in mind,, get lost for a few weeks with girlfriends, aunts uncles, somewere out of site, out of mind if that does not help,, break up,,, your still a couple, but apperantly he is so lucky to have you that he is like most men dumb asses and has no apprechation of who hes got,,, yes absence is the answer but no anger is allowed,, k
Just agree to disagree and move on. Go out and have some fun together! Do something exciting that you both will enjoy. Most arguments happen due to boredom, believe it or not. You two are probably just sick to death of each other and need to go have some fun either together or separately. Try it and I'll bet you'll stop fighting for a while. Sometimes, two people are needing the same thing at the same time. Both want the other person to give in and give them what they want. Obviously, someone has to be the first to give in. If both of you have too much pride, then you will continue bickering, one of you has to be the stronger one and just stop the fighting and give in. Love him enough to stop it. If that means you have to walk away for a while, then do it, but do it soon before you both choke the life out of the love you now still share. :)
If you have to change your personality or his personality to stop the fighting then maybe you need to change boyfriends. Don't marry anyone knowing going in that you are going to try to change them. It doesn't work. If you have so many little things you can't compromise with then start over. Try eharmony or great expectations or equally yoked or a site that will match you with someone with the same likes and dislikes. This will take months off of the dating process.